On Living Modern Life Well

This week in my METRO Magazine column, I write about drawing lines in the social sand or "How To Deflect a Friend Request From Your Prying Coworker." In addition to being an exercise to reflect on how I come to my decisons of who to add where, it became an audit system. In the spirit of being a good model of my advice, I unfollowed nearly 500 people on Twitter whose posts had no value to me and have been subtracting people from Facebook that I added before my "personal friends" only rule went into effect (so far, around 25 people). It's refreshing. Less to skip over, and I'm seeing more posts I want to. I give you permission to do the same!

BONUS QUESTIONS!

Reader Lucie Amundsen asked me last week how I deal with the people who post those '99% of you won't repost this' chain-mail type messages on Facebook. Usually, I scroll right by. It's the strangest phenomenon, I think. If you're passionate about a subject, just post a personal message about it. Try to avoid ever duplicating a post, if possible. It's like paging through the paper to find they've inserted the same article five times. At least Facebook groups duplicate posts now and lists the names of friends who posted it, which is helpful. If you have someone who posts these types of things frequently, I say unsubscribe. It's a very good tool to keep your news feed full of only what you wish to read. People who post these things: STOP. Please? We want to read your words.

On adding coworkers: A reader, who chooses to remain anonymous, told me about her system for new coworkers: if they make her laugh five times after having lunch with them and enjoying their company, she'll consider adding them. I like it! Why not? Another noted that adding coworkers on social networks sure makes it hard to gripe anonymously about them. While I don't have coworkers in the traditional sense, I can bet the pressure to add could be tricky. It should be noted that griping online is rarely, maybe never, encouraged. Answer the questions I lay out in the column to help you determine who to add, and when.

Is there a way that you do it or you've heard of that works particularly well? Please share it with us below.

Ask Clever Kate more questions on her Facebook page.

On Living Modern Life Well

My first column for Metro magazine published this week! It will be a series on living modern life well and decoding our digital lives. The first topic I've tackled is Facebook.

I've answered two bonus questions that will run only here below. Enjoy!

Betsy Kroon (@betsykroon) writes: After a friend wrote something hurtful, without naming me but that I think was clearly about me, I'm wondering what is the best way to address passive aggressive statements on Facebook? Is there a best practice for such situations? It really stung.

Nothing stops a passive aggressor in their tracks more than confrontation. Whether you choose to that publicly or privately is your call. (My choice? Privately.) Write honestly, without accusing, and use words describing how you felt when you read it. First find out if it was about you. Ask, am I mistaken? Or was that about me? And if they fess up, let them know you wish they would've talked to you about it more directly (if that's true). Apologize, letting them know you're sorry that they were offended, explain yourself (if you see fit). Calling people on things, I've witnessed, is an amazing personal growth catalyst. Since I've used this method, I've developed much stronger relationships and in some cases, moved on from ones that were no longer working. Either way, a forward moving result.

Conner McCall (@sloped) asked: What would you say is a reasonable amount of time to wait to friend someone you've started dating? I've had friends that add people after a first date, and that just seems crazy. But many people thought I was nuts for recently waiting 8 months.

I'm with you, Conner. I think that waiting is the right choice. I'm in the old school camp of dating, leaning towards taking your time in every direction. There are so many wonderful moments of discovery when you are first dating someone and Facebook can easily squash that, dumping all the details about a person's life is one virtual sitting. I'd say a minimum of 3-6 months is a good start, within which you will likely know if there's the possibility of longevity in the relationship. Waiting also eliminates the dreaded task of having to unfriend them shortly there after should it not work out. That isn't to say that no relationship can end in friendship, just a way to slow things down a bit and make sure.